Portal and Teleportation Etiquette

– by Betria Tallrock, with technical advice from Aleksandros

In light of recent rumors of possible restrictions on the importation of certain brands and varieties of alcohol into Stormwind, many people who would otherwise not be in contact with the arcane have been considering hiring the transportation services of mages in order to bypass any future boycotts on their favored beverage. This is a good idea, as portals are safe and reliable, and allow a customer to cross Azeroth quickly and easily as they go about their business.

With permanent portals so ubiquitous nowadays, some people have forgotten that there are certain rules of etiquette to be followed when contacting and negotiating teleportation services from mages. While most mages will be happy to provide you with instant transportation to wherever they are able, all parties involved will have a much better time if you pay attention to the following pointers:

– Have a tip handy! Teleportation takes effort and mystical reagents. Some mages will gladly send you where you want to go for no charge but rest assured that even those will appreciate being remunerated for their trouble. There is no set standard for how much you should give, but thirty silver coins is the bare minimum for the mage to break even if she had to cast a teleportation spell to get to where you are. Most mages expect a minimum tip of a handful of gold coins. It might seem expensive, but remember that you are saving yourself hours, days or even weeks of travel, and that an equivalent yet far more lengthy and dangerous journey by boat or gryphon would probably cost the same if not more than said tip.

– Know where you want to go. Mages are often able to teleport themselves to many different places, using a multitude of spells and devices, but the list of places they can take other people to is considerably more restricted. Given portal spells require anchoring points in space-time, responsible mages will only carry you to specially-prepared sites in capital cities. With that in mind, one must carefully consider where they require transportation to, given not every city provides the same services as another.

For example, Ironforge is well-known for its dwarven spirits and cheap inns, but the environment might be somewhat claustrophobic for some. Dalaran and Shattrath are perfect places to try out a multitude of dishes and brews from Azeroth and beyond, but anyone going to those towns would be well advised to be careful with members of the Horde prowling about. Violence is obviously banned within those sanctuary cities, but it never hurts to tread lightly when there are orcs around. In a more practical note, those going to Darnassus will be able to enjoy the exotic kaldorei cuisine and art, but may have a hard time finding a mage to teleport them back home due to some night elves upholding a taboo against arcane magic. Contacting the gilnean refugees to set up a return trip is advised.

– Be polite. Don’t just shove the gold in the mage’s hand without warning while yelling the name of the city you want to be taken to. Likewise, if you have to contact the mage via buzzbox or some other long-distance communications channel, use the standard greetings and politely ask if you could hire their services. Remember: very few mages actually make a living out of creating portals, and even those who do probably have enough clients to afford to lose a few rude ones. Being civil and well-mannered will ensure the mage will be glad to rent you her services in the future. As an aside: be where you tell the mage you will be. There are very few things more frustrating than crossing entire continents in the blink of an eye, only to spend the next fifteen minutes waiting for the client.

– Don’t step in right away. It is a sad truth that a few individuals in the arcane community have certain mischievous or even cruel streaks to them. If you are hiring the services of a certain mage for the first time, or if you don’t trust him or her fully, take some time before stepping through the portal to examine it. Within the swirling glow of mystical energy, you should be able to catch glimpses of the target location. If it’s not where you want to go, don’t step in. Many an unwitting customer has arrived in the desolate shores of Tol Barad or found themselves staring into the alien skies of Shattrath when they intended to go to Dalaran or Stormwind. Sanctioned portal destinations are generally safe, but it is better to avoid the hassle of having to find another portal back home.

– Keep your arms and legs inside the magical stream at all times. Portals will only transport things within their boundaries. Mages will not be held responsible for misuse resulting in loss of one or more extremities.

– Close your eyes. Every sorcerer has a different style to their spells, and their portals are no exception. For some, the voyage through the Twisting Nether is no more than an instant flash of bright light, while other portals take a few seconds to safely deposit someone on the other side and produce quite a spectacular lightshow while at that. A few mages use specific shortcuts that cause the edges of the teleportation field to display images of the places they go through, and some can be quite frightening. A civilian may be scared witless if she sees herself hurtling through some of the most obscure corners of the Twisting Nether before reaching their destination. As a rule of thumb, it’s usually a good idea to close your eyes and hold your breath after stepping into the portal and only reopen them when your feet are on solid ground and you no longer hear the space-time continuum rushing past your ears.

– Have fun! Detractors see teleportation as something unnatural and frightening. It doesn’t have to be so. In fact, a trip through a well-cast portal is more likely to be an exhilarating experience than anything else, and a great way to end a good night of celebration in Dalaran!

So, next time you think about going somewhere far away for whatever reason, pay attention to the tips presented here and go check if your local mage can help you out!


Love Corner: Beastly Trouble

by Chelody Smallwing and Malandrae Moonwhisper

Hello everyone and welcome to the Love Corner, your exclusive advice column for all of your romantic conundrums! Our resident love experts, Miss Chelody Smallwing and Miss Malandrae Moonwhisper, are here to help you with even the most burning questions.

This week, we’ve selected a letter from one of our local readers in the city of Stormwind. It seems the poor dear has a beastly problem! Let’s see what she had to say…

Dear Love Corner,

I feel so embarrassed writing this, but I just don’t know where else to turn! I’m a twenty three year old woman who lives in Stormwind. I have a lovely job in a local clothier’s shop and have lived here for years. About seven months ago while visiting one of the local coffee shops I ran into a wonderful man who had been there visiting some friends. After talking for some time that evening, we immediately hit it off and began seeing each other regularly.

Things were perfect for the longest time; I cannot even tell you how happy I was with him. He would take me places and we had many hobbies and interests in common! It seemed to be a perfect romance! Recently though things have taken a turn for the worse.

It all started when we moved in together. At first I thought it would be great, but immediately some things started to nag at me. I had always known that he was from Gilneas, but I never really put two and two together until I lived in close proximity with him. He’s a worgen!

Now, I don’t have a problem with having a hulking wolf-man for a boyfriend, not at all! But… well, sometimes he comes home covered in hair that he’s shed and tracks it everywhere. Also he’s one of THOSE types of worgen that can’t seem to transform without tearing his clothes to shreds! Also, I know I’m a seamstress, but really I should not be expected to sew all of his things back together after he does this, should I?

Finally, at least three days a month I simply CANNOT get him to pay any attention to me! All he wants to do is go run off into the forest and howl at the moon. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. I’ve tried dressing sexy for him, talking to him about it, everything. And he just keeps DOING it!

Please, I’m at my wits end. I really really like this guy, but I don’t know if I can take seeing any more gouges in my furniture or use a lint brush on my dress one more time. What can I do? Any advice at all would be great!

A Beast of a Problem

–  ♥    ♥    ♥  –

First a word from Miss Chelody Smallwing:

Dear Beast of a Problem,

They say the first real test of any serious relationship is living together. That is when all the disguises come off, and couples see each other for who they really are. After all, its hard to keep up a mask of perfection full time. One of the worst things we can do however is keep our concerns to ourselves. Have you tried speaking to him about his casual disregard for his clothing? Make sure that he knows you do not appreciate having to sew up everything when he decides fluff out! Of course, don’t say these things in anger- simply let him know that you feel put upon constantly having to patch up his clothes when he could just as easy remove them, then transform. If this is too much of a hassle- (I.E he is in combat a lot) perhaps suggest he wears larger clothing to fit his changing form, or possibly items of clothing that stretch large and wider. I know there are wizards who can enchant items like that. Hopefully it isn’t too pricey!

Now, as an owner of lots and lots of pets and kids (and currently with a worgen myself!)… I can sympathize with your plight. Worgen fur is very coarse and hard to get out. However! sticky parchment paper can work wonders. Unfortunately- this is one of those problems that won’t exactly go away. The best you can do is encourage him to be more mindful of the fur and mud he brings in, and ask him to share some of the cleaning burden. After all, more hands make a load lighter!

For your monthly problem… well, why not see this as an opportunity to get some time to yourself? While he is off having a howling good time, you go get drinks with friends! Enjoy having a bed to yourself, curl up with a good book and leave the lantern on as long as you like! Besides, once a month we often get a bit scary and howly ourselves, right? Seems only fair!

Compromise is the core of harmony. Every relationship has its challenges really, but they can be overcome with communication and understanding. If you feel as strongly for this man as you say you do, you may have to take some steps and endure a few things that are difficult. He will shed, and he will be rather enthralled with the lunar cycle.

But this doesn’t mean you alone have to deal with it. He should be willing to pull his share of the load!

Anyways, I hope this helps!

–  ♥    ♥    ♥  –

And now Miss Malandrae Moonwhisper:

Dear Beast,

Wow! That totally sounds like a pretty serious problem, but it ALSO sounds like a pretty serious relationship! So let’s see what we can do to save it!

So, your clothes! Like you said yourself, it’s super fun to have a hulking wolf-man for a boyfriend, but not so fun to deal with all that fur! My advice to you is to go shopping of course! You need to find some new dresses and clothing that will help avoid the fur in the first place, that way you don’t feel like it’s such a bother. I would recommend either a more sheer fabric like a silk that the hair cannot cling to, or a tightly knit fabric with fibers that are less coarse so that the hair cannot easily get stuck! Trust me on this one, you can totally get some great outfits that will look fantastic without so much cleanup!

Next, lets talk about his torn clothing! Instead of looking at this as a problem, look at it as an OPPORTUNITY. Let’s be honest now, how many of us have wanted to ‘help’ a little with the way our loved ones dress? I know I have! Every time he destroys some of his clothes…well, that’s a chance for you to buy him something completely new. And if you’re the one going out to get the things, he’ll have those dream outfits you’ve always wanted to see him in in no time. You’ll be able to show him off at family events and everyone will tell you what a nice young man you’ve found! This is a great plan, trust me!

Lastly, your monthly problem. This is a tough one, but I have to ask you this…have you tried using this as an opportunity to spend some more time together? Perhaps you could join him in the forest and get to know a little more about the things he likes? Who knows, maybe you will even enjoy the time spent together so much that you’ll want to become a worgen yourself! Nothing tells your loved ones that you support them more than spending some time doing the things they like, or joining in with them!

Anyway, I hope this advice helps. It sounds like you two really care for one another and THAT is the most important thing of all right? I wish you two the best of luck!

Fashion Sense

A clothier in Stormwind

The capital cities of the Alliance are well-stocked with fashion supplies

by Malandrae Moonwhisper

Hello everyone! When Miss Chelody told me about this paper that the Order publishes, I just had to read some of the wonderful articles in it! After seeing everything that the fantastic writers have contributed, I realized that there is something crucial that has not been covered in the paper yet, and I had to write something down. That topic is of course, fashion.

Fashion you say? Why would you care about fashion when there are dragons and demons and cultists trying to destroy the world? WELL, let me tell you why! If there is one thing that makes all of these evils demons and people that are trying to destroy us all have something in common, what would it be? They’re pretty scary looking, that’s what! That’s because they have absolutely NO fashion sense!

Why should this matter to you? I confess that I have only been wandering the world for a short period of time, but if there is one thing I have seen time and time again, it is adventurers wearing armor that is so horrible looking, so poorly matched and maintained, that I was not sure whose side they were on! You don’t want to get accidentally axed by your friends because they think you are an undead thing do you? No, you don’t, and that’s why fashion should be your number one concern when venturing out into the world! Continue reading

Embracing the Hour of Twilight

by Hinote Kirase

The title of this alone is undoubtedly going to get me some sharp looks and narrowed eyes, but I get enough of those already, so whatever. I don’t care. Nevertheless, I’ll preface this by saying it isn’t what you think; I’m not writing in defense of the Twilight’s Hammer, Deathwing, their goals, their motives, or the end of the world. I think by this point even the deepest of Twilight’s Hammer sleeper agents have revealed themselves, because their final goal, the Hour of Twilight – the end of Azeroth – is at hand. The chips are all down, we know who the bad guys are and who the good guys are, and everyone’s going all in. If you’re getting the impression that I’m trying to hard to convince you that I’m on your side, it’s because previous events have left me with little faith left in the wisdom and judgment of the masses.

But that’s another story.
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Twilight’s Hammer beaten back

by Betria Eilyn Tallrock

The Twilight’s Hammer is not a new enemy. Originally an invading orc clan in the Second War, it came under the sway of the eldritch abominations long buried under the surface by the Titans, and quickly grew in the shadows. The insane doomsday cult took both Alliance and Horde by surprise in the wake of Deathwing’s return, claiming vast swaths of territory and quickly fortifying their positions with summoned elementium bulwarks. Their early victories; however, quickly crumbled as the defenders of Azeroth reacted and pushed back.

Nefarian, also known as Blackwing, and Onyxia, two of Deathwing’s dead spawn that had been reanimated as rotten abominations by the Aspect of Death, have been destroyed for good in Blackwing Descent, along with a host of Nefarian’s twisted experiments and abominations. The monstrously mutated two-headed ogre Cho’gall, the official leader of the Twilight’s Hammer, was also defeated and killed in a daring battle at the Twilight Citadel, and the upper echelons of his twisted cult died with him. Even Al’akir, the Elemental Lord of air who had sided with Deathwing and Ragnaros in trying to usher the end of the world as we know it, had his own plane of existence invaded through a breach in the skies of Uldum, and was then defeated. A similar fate awaits Ragnaros.
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Bayonet sales on the rise as hunters change tactics

Wolfslayer Sniper Rifle

Wolfslayer Sniper Rifle, a classical bayonet design

by Betria Eilyn Tallrock

Blacksmiths all over Azeroth have been reported a substantial increase in bayonet sales in the past few weeks. Gunsmiths and engineers have also seen a similar increase in requests for mounting blades and spikes on the end of blunderbusses, shotguns, muskets and rifles of all kinds.

Johann Goodiron, head of the Ironmongers blacksmithing guild and former sharpshooter in the Alliance Expedition in Northrend , postulates that rangers, marksmen and other ranged combatants without magical aptitude are adapting to an evolving, more vicious and shorter- ranged battlefield. “In the past”, says Mr. Goodiron, “we could get around with a backup sword or axe or two, depending on your style and race. More recently, practical rangers and hunters started carrying bigger, more powerful staffs and spears to finish off or at least keep enemies away.”
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Look to the Sea

The Stormwind Shipyards

The Stormwind shipyards, hard at work.

by Betria Eilyn Tallrock

Even the most cursory glance at Stormwind Harbor reveals something the population at large has so far ignored. The war against the Horde is not being fought only on the bloody battlefields of Kalimdor and Lordaeron, but also at sea. The Forsaken assault on Gilneas was spearheaded by undead destroyers dredged up from wrecks from the First and Second Wars, bloodthirsty troll destroyers and orcish juggernauts prowl the high seas, and pirates scour the shores, causing untold damage as they loot and pillage coastal areas. More recently, the catastrophic battle in Vashj’ir, where both Alliance and Horde forces came under brutal attack by the Naga, was fought extremely close to the shores of Elwynn and Westfall.
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